Happy Holidays! The story tonight is not in a tab, it is below, scroll down. Don't let the photo fo Morelli put you off! He's here but not so happy....
a/n This takes place right after Half Past Eleven, shortly after Take a Chance. I worked really hard to make sure this wasn't sappy, poor Ranger has had enough sugar-sweet Christmases already this year. But, you know, maybe it is, just a little...oops.
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| Morelli, via my friend Bonnie. "He looked like an Italian actor playing an American cop." :Grandma M: "Joe has grown up to be a nice looking boy, but that Ranger--- he's something special. Mmmn-mmm'' misquotes from JE |
If Only
Stephanie
Anthony and I were hanging out waiting for Ranger. We were at the Haywood Street
I was almost asleep when my cell phone jiggled on the coffee table. Anthony picked it up and said, ''Yo.''
Then he handed the phone to me.
"Yes?"
It was Tank who told me that Morelli was here to see me. Tank had talked to Ranger who cleared it for Joe to come up.
I said, ''Great, just great.'' I was a little cranky, the interruptions spoiled the mood. I mean the movie.
There was a loud knock at the door. Anthony and I looked at each other. I rolled my eyes and he did a mini-shrug, just like Ranger.
I said, ''Are you laughing at me?''
He said, ''Do I look like I'm laughing.''
I stared into his dark eyes that yes, were laughing.
I said, ''I think I've done this scene before.''
Now he really did smile and said, "Déjà vu all over again. Get the door, babe.''
I heaved myself up and headed for the door, yelling, "I'm coming, keep your pants on!''
Then over my shoulder to Anthony, ''Are you taking Ranger lessons?''
''Door, babe.''
I opened the door and Morelli stormed in, brushing rudely past me, into the living room. He stopped short when he saw Anthony, ''What the fuck are you doing here? Where is Ranger?''
Anthony went icy cold; I could see his face beyond Joe's shoulder.
Anthony is, well, Anthony. He looks almost exactly like Ranger---he is so beautiful that when he smiles your heart squeezes like an old sponge and your stomach does flip flops. He's a few years younger than Joe---27 [28?, he lies....] to Joe’s 34-- a little bit taller, a lot richer and a lot smarter, and so handsome that he makes Joe look like an average guy. And Joe looks like an Italian movie star playing an American cop.
But---what Anthony really excels in is scariness; he is an unarmed combat expert and an army Special Forces black ops sniper. He's discreet, but bottom line, “they” didn't give him---and Ranger--- all those medals for selling Girl Scout cookies, did they?
I hustled into the room and said, ''Have you two met? Joe Morelli, Anthony Stewart.''
Anthony had his hand on the gun at the back of his waistband and he looked one teeny tiny fraction away from going into his assassin mode.
I said, ''Anthony?''
''What!''
''Joe is a police officer.''
''Uh huh.''
''Soooooo?''
Joe finally unfroze and said, ''We've met.''
I sidled over to Anthony, keeping to his right side, away from his gun hand. He is left-handed. I put my arm around his shoulder and said, ''It's okay. Really. Okay?''
No reaction. I bumped his hip with mine.
''Okay????''
His body relaxed slowly and he nodded. He said to Morelli, ''Why are you here?''
''I need to talk to Stephanie.''
I said, ''What's the problem, Joe? What's wrong?''
Morelli looked at Anthony then glanced around Ranger's beautiful big loft. Miracle on 34th Street was still playing on the big screen TV. The little girl was talking to Santa.
Joe made a visible effort to control himself and said, ''Can Steph and I have some privacy, please?''
Well okay, he said please but I really didn't want to be alone with him. Anthony stared at me, doing the ESP thing. He turned away, muted the TV and walked across the big room, sitting down at the piano that was in front of the windows.
He was still in the room, but out of earshot if Joe and I kept our voices down.
I pointed to one of the black leather sofas and Joe sat down. The furniture was situated so that Joe's back was to Anthony. Joe glanced over his shoulder but Anthony wasn't looking at us. Joe turned back to me and said, ''Cupcake, it's Christmas, the first Christmas without you. I need you, I miss you. Please come home. The boys miss you.''
''Joe, you know I'm with Ranger now….I'm happy, I love him.''
He loves me.
''Look at this place, there is not one thing here that tells you it's Christmas! This place is like a magazine photo shoot!''
I said, ''And this would be bad, why?''
''It's so cold, it has no heart! Just like Ranger!''
I looked at the beautiful, expensively decorated room, then thought of Ranger’s warm dark eyes and his mouth and his hands and his splendid body…uh. I refocused and flicked my eyes to Joe’s angry red face, and I realized sadly that Joe wasn't really angry. He was alone. And lonely, and it's Christmas.
I opened my mouth, what could I say without hurting Joe…?
But we were distracted by the sound of the piano. Anthony had opened it and he began to play softly. Who knew he could? Ranger played but only when he thought he was alone. Ranger was very good and so, I could tell, was Anthony. I guess they had learned as children. They came from a privileged background, where children were taught more than ABCs and catechism. They rode horses, they skied, they played golf and tennis---they knew what fork to use and how to address a foreign ambassador. Or the President.
They didn't show that side of themselves when accosting thugs on Stark Street
Joe sat looking shocked.
Anthony sang softly, in his low, sweet voice,
I'll be home for Christmas/ You can count on me./ Pls have snow and mistletoe and presents by the tree…./ Christmas Eve will find me where the love light gleams./ Oh I ll be home for Christmas. / If only in my dreams….
And he stared into my eyes with his intense dark Ranger eyes and his serious Ranger face---forget the blond hair---and I smiled at him. His eyes smiled back at me.
He played on, a couple more oldies, some carols in Spanish, one in French, one in German. He played from memory or by ear and seemed to know all the words. Although I noticed that oddly he didn't seem to know any traditional old carols in English. Or maybe he knew the words in English but preferred the other languages.
Morelli looked back and forth between us and shook his head. Poor Joe, he had entered the Manoso Twilight Zone.
Ranger spoke from behind us. How long had he been standing there? ''There's all kinds of ways to celebrate Christmas, Morelli. The most important way is to be with the ones you love….''
He leaned over me and kissed me. Anthony was playing White Christmas……I kissed Ranger back and we hugged. His eyes bored into mine, the ESP trick in action. He did his infinitesimal nod, face serious.
I said, ''Come for drinks on Christmas Eve, Joe?''
Ranger nodded more noticeably. Tiny chin tilt. He said calmly, ''Yes Joe, you're welcome here.''
Anthony said, "My mom is cooking! Cocktail party crap.''
He closed the piano softly and stood next to Ranger. Their shoulders touched, their affection obvious. But Anthony stood on Ranger’s left so that neither of their gun hands were blocked.
So alike, so handsome. I love them so much.
So alike, so handsome. I love them so much.
Ranger said, ''It's better than if my mom were cooking.''
They both smiled.
Later
''Ranger?''
?
''Doesn't your mom cook?''
Ranger looked mildly clueless.
''Cook?''
''Yes you said better that Antonio’s mom cooks.''
''Olivia is a very good cook, babe. Almost Ella-level gourmet.''
''But? Your mom?''
Ranger looked at Anthony who stared back at him.
?
?
''I don't know, babe, I've never seen my mom cook. Maybe she can---- I suppose it's possible.
Anthony said, ''She's a smart lady, probably she can cook, who knows.''
Ranger said, ''I guess she must know how, she's Italian.''
I was staring bug-eyed, open-jawed at him.
''Well except you, babe. No one expects you to cook. My mom never set foot in a kitchen. Sometimes my dad cooked. BBQed?"
''Ranger!''
?
''You just said your mom is Italian.''
?
''Well?''
Anthony said, "His mom is, uh, connected.''
They both nodded.
I said, ''Like Connie?''
''No.'' (from Ranger.)
Anthony said, ''More like The Godfather.''
''So---we just invited Morelli to a Mob Christmas?''
''He'll fit right in. We'll introduce him to my second cousin Rosalie."
Then we all were laughing. ''Yeah. Right.''
...
much later...
''You're a very generous man, Carlos Manoso.''
''I can afford to be.''
''I didn't mean with money…''
''Neither did I.'' Ranger added, ''I will never interfere with your friendship with Joe, Steph. It's not an issue, babe, because you chose me in the end.''
I wanted to ask him if that's why he never minded that I loved Anthony or that Anthony loves me.
He said now, answering my silence, ''No that's different. We both love Antonio. And he loves us. He would never hurt either of us, not ever.''
I thought, Good thing. ‘Cos if he wanted to hurt us we'd be dead dead dead.
Ranger did his mini nod. He said, ''True.''
''But……?''
I know it is confusing, when you hold him and kiss him and it seems as if it is me but you know on some level it is him, but not really, not exactly...
''I don't know how to explain that, babe, maybe someday, okay?''
''Okay…..And I didn't choose you “in the end”---it was always you I loved.''
''Hey, I'm the hero, I get the girl, righ?.''
''Oh yeah.''
Omigod, look at him smiling. And the---hero aura---so cute! Who needs a freakin' tree and little twinkly lights? Not me, baby!
''Merry Christmas,Ranger.''
''Merry Christmas, babe.''
''I love you.''
''Yeah I know. I love you too.''
……………………
Ayn Rand
* “….if only in my dreams.”
The end
